Lirsti and Illuvetar: Part 7

Bad Luck

The curse glowed. It radiated. It shone and fought back the daylight. It took the form of a six-sided star tattoo on the right shoulder of Dunrr the dwarf. Observe in slowed motion as the dwarf charged through the air at Borkel the barbarian.

Borkel took no notice of the shining tattoo and as he would soon find out, that was a dire mistake. Even though Dunrr was rushing with all his dwarven might, Borkel brushed him aside. He turned around, threw his axe down and held the dwarf.

Lirsti and Illuvetar: Part 6

Battle Rage

“Only if you can defeat me.”

The words were calm. Their implication was terrifying. On the one side of arena C stood Borkel the great; Borkel the barbarian. On the opposite side stood three misplaced adventurers: Lirsti, Illuvetar and Dunrr the dwarf.

Lirsti sighed and facepalmed.

Lirsti and Illuvetar: Part 5

Meeting the Barbarian

“There it is, my friends. The great Ethanopolis.” Lirsti looked meaningfully into the distance.

“Quite,” said Illuvetar sipping his coffee while leaning on the edge of the hot-air balloon’s basket.

“It ain’t that great if I can’t see it from down here,” said Dunrr the dwarf.

“Hush, now,” said Lirsti absent mindedly while looking over the… city.

Lirsti and Illúvetar: Part 4

A Balloon-beginning

The breath misted in the icy air. Illuvetar rubbed his hands together just before igniting the hot-air balloon’s burner. While keeping the burner in his peripheral vision, he turned to greet Illuvetar making his way towards him in a casual robe designed for mobility: “Good morrow, Lirsti, old chap.”
“I suppose,” said Lirsti. “You look geared up. Equipment in order?” He gestured vaguely at Illuvetar’s lightweight clockwork-armour.
“Certainly,” said Illuvetar. “What sort of royal engineer would I be if I wasn’t prepared?”
“We’ve been exiled, Illuvetar. You aren’t a ‘royal’ anything anymore.”
“Oh pish. Anyway, I have equipment for nearly any situation packed into old Ava here. What have you got in that chest there?”
“It’s wizard paraphernalia. You wouldn’t understand,” said Lirsti, packing the finely decorated crate onto Ava, the hot-air balloon.”
Illuvetar shrugged. “I’d say, question we should be asking is, where is that dwarf?”
“Yes. Yes, indeed. I gave him money to buy clothes and equipment yesterday.”
“There he is.”
Lirsti looked where Illuvetar was pointing and saw the short humanoid strolling towards them with knapsack slung over his shoulder. He looked morbid and tired in the early morning light.
“Morning, dwarf!” cheered Illuvetar.
“My name is Dunrr,” parried the dwarf and then after a moment of thought added: “Are you sure we can’t go past my home village to pick some stuff up?”
“Quite sure,” said Lirsti. “The faster we can find the Improbability Orb, the faster we can clean up the mess you made.”
“Hey!” said Dunrr. “It’s a fine line. I didn’t directly–”
Dunrr trailed off as he and the other two looked at a newcomer.
“Archwizard Napier,” said Lirsti in a voice colder than the morning air it was spoken through. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”
“You’re distaste towards me is juvenile Lirsti. The system cannot tolerate inadequacy.”
“It would be rather unsporting for you to have come here just to chide us one last time, Napier. But I trust that there is a better reason.”
“Correct. You’ll find enclosed a letter with what we know about the Improbability Orb’s whereabouts.” The Archwizard handed an envelope to Illuvetar who placed it in a satchel at his waist. “May your journeys be swift. And keep an eye at this one,” he said pointing at Dunrr before turning to leave.
Dunrr stuck his tongue out at Napier behind his back. Lirsti shook his head as he climbed into the balloon after Illuvetar.
“Time’s a wasting, Dunrr,” said Illuvetar. “Let’s go.”
The dwarf sighed and climbed into the cluttered balloon’s basket. He found a comfortable looking crate and took a seat on it, putting his satchel beside him. He watched as Illuvetar applied heat by regulating the gas burner. He then looked at Lirsti who was lying on another crate reading. Dunrr looked back at Illuvetar and visibly became bored.
Dunrr stood up to look over the edge of the basket. “When are we going to… Oh my, goodness!” The dwarf reeled back from the edge. “How long have we been in the air for?”
Illuvetar gave a hearty laugh. “It’s the best form of travel, by far. You can see everything from up here.”
Dunrr gave a nervous laugh and tried looking over the edge again. After a while, he relaxed and actually seemed to enjoy himself.
Lirsti sat up. “Kindly, pass me the envelope, Illuvetar.”
Illuvetar obliged. Lirsti took the paper out of the envelope and looked at it.
“Read it out loud, chap,” said Illuvetar.
“Dear Lirsti and Illuvetar, as you are aware, you will soon no longer be welcome at the Tetravigesimal castle. This exile will continue until you recover the Improbability Orb. We have consulted one another and through some logical observations noted that it is still in our dimension but when it disappeared, it jumped to a different point in time. If it traveled back in time or into the near future, we believe that it is still recoverable. Attached below are some contacts who will be expecting you. Consult them to find out more information. Regards, the Council.”
“Who are the contacts?” asked Illuvetar.
“Hmmm,” Lirsti wondered. “We have Pandita the guru in the Moroki mountains, someone called Borkel the great in Ethanopolis – I can’t believe we have to go to that rat’s nest, there’s a Eystal in the Elven retreat at Yimmerond and finally, Gunrr the prince of the mountain homes.”
Dunrr’s head swung around from his idle gaze into the world below; the only thing stopping his head from popping right off was his stubby neck. The other two saw anxiety in his eyes. “Oh, no,” he said.
“What’s the matter there, Dunrr?”
“Gunrr is… my brother.”

Lirsti and Illúvetar: Part 3

Trotting to the Slaughter

Tetravigesimal castle. The epitome of magical reseach. A grand structure bustling with activity, except tonight. The halls were quiet. The only active place was the great council hall and active it was.
Wizards and adventurers filled the galleries surrounding the central podium suspended in mid-air, attached to the catwalk. The room was full of loud bustling conversation and arguments.
A well dressed, robed magician entered the room and strode down the catwalk to the central podium. He stood in the center where the blue light from the magic orbs shon over him, and he cleared his throat into the voice amplifier. The room went silent waiting for him to speak.
Meanwhile, in a nearby pig farm, some startled pigs were looking around themselves confusedly. In fact, they were startled that they were pigs.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” squealed the one.
“I wish I was, old fruit,” said another. “You really are a pig.”
“Hey, you’re not any better looking,” defended the first.
“Where’s the dwarf?” asked the second.
A pig who had been sneaking away on the tips of his trotters saw that the game was up and bolted away will a shrill.
“Get him!”
The other two bared down on the escapee and wedged him to the ground from either side.
“Don’t run, Bacon. You’re still needed to do some explaining. Isn’t that right, Lirsti?” laughed the one.
“Yes, yes, Illuvetar. He’s not going anywhere we aren’t going. First order of business is to un-swine ourselves. But I don’t have much magic-juice left in me after the portal spell.”
After a moment of pensive thought, another pig trotted up to the three. “Hey. Hey-hey hey.” It grunted.
“Hello, friend,” saild Illuvetar.
“What do you want?” asked Lirsti.
“Help me,” pleaded the ‘dwarf’.
“The humans are gone,” said the newcomer. “No food! No food!”
“The people must be doing something,” said Lirsti. “My guess is a council assembly. Now we just need to find a way to–”
“For the king!” screeched Illuvetar charging head first into the wooden fence which snapped under the inertia of his porky bulk.
“That’s one way, I suppose,” said Lirsti.
***
“… And for some reason, spells are acting unpredictably.” The arch wizard spoke from the central podium. “If we don’t find out what is causing this, who knows–” The wizard stopped when he saw two pigs clippity-clopping along the catwalk towards him dragging a reluctant third one after them by the tail. “What is the meaning of this?”
The pigs stopped and one let go to run straight at the podium to apparently knock it off. The wizard on the podium pulled up his sleeve with one hand to cast a spell but he was too late.
But the podium wasn’t knocked over. Instead, as the pig came into contact with the one magic orb, he was lifted into the air by the said magic and quickly transformed into his human form. The galleries gasped.
“Lirsti!” exclaimed the wizard. “What… How…”
At first Lirsti didn’t reply but rather turned to the other pigs. The one who had been trying to run away had given up and was lying dejectedly on the ground. Lirsti turned them back into their true forms: Illuvetar and a dwarf.
Once the transformation was complete, Lirsti solemnly looked towards the arch wizard. “I am here merely to be a harlinger.” The entire room waited. “We… found the improbability orb.”
The arch wizard relaxed. “Surely that’s a good–”
“And we lost it,” said Illuvetar, poking his head out from behind Lirsti.
Without looking, Lirsti pushed Illuvetar’s head away with a sigh. “More like it lost itself. This dwarf is responsible.”
“That’s right,” said Illuvetar. “He made me do it.”
“This would explain all the magical mishaps,” said the arch wizard. “I’m afraid that there’s nothing else to be done but to exile you three until the orb has been found. And, dwarf…”
The dwarf looked terrified.
“… This is for you.” as the arch wizard spoke, sparks flashed from him and embedded themselves onto the dwarf’s right shoulder – forming a six-sided star tattoo. “You have the choice to do what you will but the curse I have placed on you will punish you every time you disobey either of these two… nitwits.”
“Hey–” began Lirsti.
“You have twenty-four hours to prepare.”

Lirsti and Illúvetar: Part 2

Prions and Prisoners

“No!” cried Illuvetar.
“Look what you made him do, you miserable little dwarf!” shouted Lirsti at the tree-stump sized man. “Do you have any idea how precious that stone was – the power it contained?”
The dwarf looked startled. “I –” he began. “I’m sorry. I… Just like gems.”
“Fool!” shouted Lirsti, smacking his palm against his forehead.
“Look,” said Illuvetar. “You may or may not have premeditated this, but either way, you’re going to have to come with us.”
“What?” protested the dwarf. “I don’t want to! You can’t make me!”
Lirsti’s eyes were suddenly filled with fury. “Oh, my little friend,” he said menacingly, we can make you and you will come.
As the dwarf cowered away, Lirsti wasted no time in conjuring a fiber cord and using it to bind its hands. Before it could start hurling curses at them, a gag was applied to its mouth.
“Ok, what do we do now?” wondered Lirsti.
“I’ll say,” said Illuvetar, “this quite a pickle. Let’s take him back to Tetravigesimal castle. There they can question him and perhaps we can find out what had happened to the orb.”
“Hmph,” sulked Lirsti.
“We can torture him,” added Illuvetar.
This cheered Lirsti up who then smiled and walked on along the road.
The dwarf looked at Lirsti’s back and then at Illuvetar with eyes that pleaded to hear the words “We’re only joking.” But those words never came. Illuvetar just whistled a tune and led the dwarf along the road. He then caught up to Lirsti.
The road meandered through tall, dense trees. Light beaded playfully through the canopy and offered to illuminate the adventurers and dwarf’s path. For a long time no-one spoke. There were also no other sounds to be heard other than footsteps of three individuals on a dirt path.
The silence was broken.
“Goodness me. What’s that?” gasped Illuvetar.
Lirsti’s eyes narrowed. “Prion guards.”
At this, the dwarf’s eyes widened and he started squirming. The two adventurers pulled the dwarf well into the wood where they could still see the road.
“Shut up,” hissed Lirsti.
The dwarf stopped squirming but still continued to whimper quietly.
A few moments later, some hunched soldiers walked into sight where the three of them had been standing. The prion guard’s tentacles protruded from their helmets and appeared to taste the air.
“What’s this?” sparked the one in a robotic voice.
“It looks like a Jewelry box,” sparked another.
Illuvetar patted his pocket and cringed when he felt no jewelry box.
“It was probably left here a long time ago,” sparked a third one.
“No. This is not true,” sparked the first one. “These tracks are fresh.”
The three observers’ instincts kicked in and they were bolting into the deep forest before they could hear the rest.
Occasionally they would hear the prions behind them but never were the sounds too close for comfort (relatively speaking).
“Woah!” said Illuvetar, nearly falling into a hole in the side of the hill. It was a neatly concealed cave entrance.
The three lowered themselves into the hole with Lirsti going first. They waited in the mouth of the cave. Soon they heard the hobbled footsteps of the prions.
“Take a look in there,” sparked a prion.
Lirsti gave a panicked look at Illuvetar who gestured deeper into the cave. They quietly made their way further in but the dwarf slipped and fell – yelping as he collapsed by Illuvetar’s feet.
“In there!” electrified a prion. “Get them!”
Illuvetar drew his sword. “Cast a portal spell, chap!”
“Not enough time to pick a destination,” said Lirsti with a worried look on his face.
“Do it!”
Lirsti closed his eyes and with a dazzling display of arcane prowess, he summoned a magical portal. Lirsti jumped in, then Illuvetar. The dwarf weighted up his options, rolled his eyes and jumped in after them.

Lirsti and Illúvetar: Part 1

The Big Bang Paradox

All was quiet over the non-existent universe. There was nothing to see, nothing to hear. In fact there was nothing to nothing at all. It stands to reason that there was no time either. So it is hard to say when the following happened.
For the first time in eternity, there was a flash of light. A pebble the size of the full stop at the end of this sentence appeared out of nowhere. Faintly from behind it, in the distance, a sound travelled through the nothingness as well: someone said, “Damn!” and so the world began. That was fourteen billion years ago.
“I found it! Here it is! We did it!” shouted Illúvetar. He was shaking slightly from the excitement. Lirsti calmly observed as Illúvetar idealised the treasure chest before him.
“It appears we have,” he replied, “or at least we hope so.”
Illúvetar, still engulfed in his excitement said, “Quickly, let’s open it!”
Lirsti closed his eyes and slowly stepped away from the hole Illúvetar had just dug. Sparks formed on the tips of his fingers and silently jumped onto the chest. The lid flew open. This process was repeated five more times and within the sixth chest (each chest was within the previous) lay a small fragile oyster. Illúvetar gently opened the oyster and transferred a full-stop sized orb into a beautifully padded jewellery box.
“We must make sure that the improbability orb arrives at king Radix’s fort in time (long live the king)” Illúvetar said as they walked down the old forest road. Lirsti was about to reply but he was stopped by something.
A little man about the size of a tree stump had jumped out in front of them. The man said, “An orb? What is this I hear? What sort of orb? May I look at it?” Illúvetar, already on the defence, whipped the jewellery box out of his pocket to keep it safe.
“Never,” he said, “be gone little man. We were entrusted with responsibility greater than you can ever imagine!” and because of his wild hand gestures, something very unfortunate happened: the box opened and the orb flew out. With a deafening silence it hit the ground and disappeared.
All was quiet over the non-existent universe. There was nothing to see, nothing to hear. In fact there was nothing to nothing at all. It stands to reason that there was no time either. So it is hard to say when the following happened.
For the first time in eternity, there was a flash of light…